Comparison and Commendation

While reading in Rough Stone Rolling a few days ago, I came across a description of the Prophet Joseph Smith: "By his own account, Joseph frequently felt cast down, lacking or falling short, never enjoying all that he needed, whether wealth or spiritual assurance." Bushman continues, "Joseph's 'History' contains more pleading with God than excitement about revelation." In writing about Josephs personal journal entries, Bushman states that they "reveal a striving young man uncertain of his standing with God, yearning to be worthy, grateful when he finds peace."

These descriptions of the Prophet, seemingly struggling with his own spirituality, cast a different light on him than I, and, I think, most members of the Church, previously held. I have always thought of the Prophet as almost a mystical legend of a man who was so near to perfection that any comparison to him was simply futile and impossible. Seeing him as a “mere mortal” does not diminish him as a prophet, but it actually makes him more real to me, if that makes sense.

I have struggled with many of the same things that Joseph did, and to know that someone of the spiritual capacity of Joseph Smith could struggle and overcome the feelings of discouragement, spiritual assurance and yearning for God’s acceptance, is very comforting to me. Now, I in no way am comparing myself to his spiritual standing, but I can now compare myself to him in knowing that he at least struggled and overcame his insecurities and “spiritual disabilities”. It’s a great hope.

I think I have a pretty good idea of why we have these feelings, and overcoming them is part of life. The tricky part is to remember the need to overcome them while in the “valleys of sorrow”.

Last night I started to read the May 1986 Ensign; President Benson’s first talk as the President of the Church, makes a statement in one little sentence, and this great man, who I consider to be the Prophet of my age (he was the one who “signed” my mission papers), said “I commend those of you who are present here this morning, as well as you who are listening or watching these proceedings and those who will later take the opportunity to hear or read the messages of this conference.”

I have been reading these Ensigns for a few years now, and for some reason reading this little “commendation” from “my” prophet reassured me that despite my failings and discouragements at times, that I’m doing my best and trying to follow the Savior as best as I know how.

I just want to make one last comment so I am not misunderstood. I don’t think I can ever really compare with the Prophet Joseph Smith; I don’t aspire to it, and even though he did has faults, they are not the same as mine, so don’t take that the wrong way. I also don’t want to be found “boasting” by posting this “commendation” from President Benson. I just needed to make a note for myself so the next time I am feeling discouragement or the yearning to be found acceptable, I can remember that we all have these feelings and that one of the purposes of this life is to figure out how to overcome those moments and strive to come closer to God. Hopefully this little comparison and commendation will help me do that.